Don’t get me wrong, relationships can be awesome, very. I especially love the bliss and happiness that emanate from couple pictures on Instagram and everywhere else I find them. I love that people can find trust and comfort in the arms of the other, sharing secrets, planning the future or just passing away time.
I have, overtime, come to appreciate the gift of being able to talk to one’s significant other, without fear of being judged, snitched on or punished. It helps you achieve this unexplainable gentleness and calmness that comes from within. It helps you to be able to pour out that heavy stone in your heart, feel light once again and carry on. It’s really beautiful but then, there is a saying that everything that has an advantage has a disadvantage. Even though I don’t agree to this in every situation – like knowing Jesus – we can move on with it for now.
I remember one time in Junior school I had a crush on a smart, bold and daring lady. I had always been the reserved one, only airing my views when needed and not the very social type. At that time, I didn’t see the need for a relationship because I was still very young. C’mon, even my mother would have spanked me if I said I wanted one – and mind you, I have a typical Nigerian mother. If you know, you know.
If you are Nigerian, please find your parents spec reading this other blog post on Nigerian Parents, Youth and Relationships and have a good laugh. If you’re African, you definitely can relate too.
So back to basis. I had chosen this girl, in my mind o, because I never had the courage to tell her or even the need to. This had gone on for a while until I decided to collect her phone number. I had gone home that evening, secretly taken my sister’s phone, and putting a call across to her. First dial, second dial and it still rang out. Few seconds later, she called back. Whatever we talked about in two minutes, I don’t even recall but in my mind, I was a badt guy to have gathered the courage to call. And the next day at school, I felt fulfilled until it was break time and then it happened. My attention was needed in the staff room.
My heart skipped. First of all, there was no reason for me to be in the staff room that day so I knew something wasn’t right. Was there an emergency situation at home? Did something happen to my siblings? All manner of thoughts ran through my mind.
Secondly, my very own classroom teacher came to call me herself! What an honour! No teacher ever did that, never, unless there was a reason to. They would normally send another student to look for whomever they need. I felt happy and sad at the same time. I greeted my teacher, no response. I greeted the second time, no response. OK, something was definitely wrong somewhere. I then realised I was in trouble and quietly walked beside her to the Judgement Arena – the staff room.
I had barely taken two steps into the staff room when I saw the least person I ever expected to see in years to come – the girl’s mother. That was when I knew I had messed up big time. I picked the wrong girl. The next ten minutes I spent in the staff room was spent listening to severe warnings from this girl’s mother, in very loud tones and every other teacher staring at me. Lord! I wanted to melt! Of all people, me but it was just a phone call na – a harmless one for that matter? I didn’t deserve this kind of embarrassment at all. Bottom line is I left there determined not to ever talk to any girl in my class again not to talk of collecting phone numbers.
Don’t laugh at me too much. I’m grateful for that memory and the lesson I had learnt. I learnt that doing the right things at the wrong time is the wrong thing. I grew up a better person.
The reason I chose to recount that story is that I do not think that a lot of my mates, the older ones and even the young ones have learnt any lessons from the bliss of being single or being in relationships at the right time and doing the right things. Many of us have absolutely no idea how to go about relationships; we now travel without a moral compass especially in a time where lust is confused for love and sex for care.
I woke up one morning to the news of a young girl who had stabbed her boyfriend over a heated argument just a day or two after her birthday. From what I read and saw, they were barely 21 and were already living together – unmarried. I’m not trying to judge anyone at all but it makes me wonder why any parent would let his/her daughter move in with a guy who isn’t her husband or relative at all. …Except they never knew she had moved in.
What hurts me more is that just a few days before the unfortunate incident, the guy had celebrated her birthday in a big way and was proud of her. He had gone on to even post mushy pictures online. And now, he was dead. Why? The lady got upset with a chat he was having with another girl which then led to the quarrel then the stabbing and ultimately death.
Does this mean she was so insecure as to have seen no other means to solving the problem but stabbing him in the chest with a scissors? Can anger really push you to stabbing someone who loves you? How would she live her life afterwards? Miserable, sad and her conscience continuously calling her a murderer – sunken in depression.
I understand that relationships aren’t as rosy as they seem on the outside. There would be lots of quarrels and fighting but in the end, what truly matters is overcoming the challenges, checking compatibility, growing stronger, learning lessons and waking in the right path, together. I dread the quarrels and fighting and what else you have to contend with. It kills you from inside.
If you find it difficult to control your anger, unable to forgive the mistakes of others and being able to overcome the initial infatuation that comes with falling in love (or lust in some cases) that pushed that lady to move in with the guy, then relationships are not for you. Stay away from them, grow up first and save yourself the burden of heartbreaks or worse as we have seen in this case.
Let me rephrase, I love relationships but I hate the temptations and negativities that come with it. Stay woke people.
May his soul rest in peace.