Great UNIBEN! Great!

Greatest of the greatest of the greatest UNIBEN! Great!

Greatest gba-gba! Gba-gba!

Greastest gbo-gbo! Gbo-gbo!

Greatest gbishhh! Gbishhh!
*absolute silence*

(Then there goes up in the air, a roar of laughter and a thunderous applause with screams and hoots. That’s when the noise makers show their talent).

That, is the UNIBEN spirit! That’s one major that gets a fresher enchanted with the school and he says to himself, “Yes, I have arrived. This must be the best place to be”. *Na lieeeee*

There is so much joy in your heart after all it took to gain admission and it does not diminish until you meet your first kill-joy – The almighty clearance exercise.

CLEARANCE EXERCISE

This is when you understand a little bit why UNIBEN is called UNISTRESS. Imagine yourself coming by 6:30 a.m. to get a space in order for you to get cleared early enough and by 2:00p.m., you haven’t even moved more than nine seats forward. First day, you’ll ‘maintain’. Second day, you come by 5:00a.m. to find that you already have about forty (40) names on the list! If your jaw doesn’t drop then there’s something wrong. The bad thing is when you get into the hall, you will only see about twenty-five (25) out of the forty (40) people with empty seats but, I swear, you cannot ‘jump seats’ (in Naija language, you cannot ‘chance’ anyone) because the moment you try, you see them appearing.

If you get lucky to make it to the next stage and the devil decides to intervene in your matter by making you forget a document at home, ol’boy, you’re back to square one; or you have a small problem with your name, even if it’s just a letter, hehe, “correction form” is the way forward for you.

If you get cleared early, thank God because some others drag theirs’ till exam period. Faculty clearance, departmental clearance, hostel clearance, library clearance and all other ‘clearances’ are evil! Make them leave clearance for UNIBEN o.

Lemme just keep quiet about all those Red Cross and Man-O-War people that like showing power. I will have their time soon. (Red Cross and Man-O-War commandants, abeg na joke I dey o)

HOSTEL! – HALL 3 BOYS AND HALL 2 GIRLS

Damn! When you’ve had a terrible day receiving long boring lectures, having practical classes, walking under the ever burning 1000 degrees UNIBEN sun and having compulsory Trekking 101 course and you’re tired, with no money to chill out, my dear, just take a stroll to Hall 3 male hostel. It won’t take long to feel good again. Hall 3 Arrow Boys! I hail o!

Hall 3 boys

Is it when you hear one human being in room 406 (3rd floor) discussing with a fellow noisemaker in room 102 (ground floor) that you won’t marvel? They don’t communicate via texts or phone calls o. Guess what, they shout! You’ll start wondering what bush villages they come from. The worst aspect is they don’t ask each other reasonable questions. The question with the highest rating is “Bros, you cook beans today?” chai.

“Potter! Potter!! Go pump water!”, “Bros, who off light?”, “Hide your potter o, hot plate dey come!”, “Na ANAO you dey go?” I leave the rest to my fellow hall 3 boys to type in the comment box below.

No! I can’t leave this out. I made a discovery in Hall 3 that beans releases very powerful radioactive waves. The high frequency at which bean waves travel to attract other boys in other rooms marvels me. It is so bad it even saps MTN, Etisalat and Glo network signals! Airtel try small. So don’t even try to settle with your fellow Hall 3 boy after a quarrel, just take well prepared beans to his room, quarrel settled.

There’s no manner of person you can’t find in Hall 3. The carpenter, the plumber, the painter, the electrician, the browsing cheat masters, name it!

UP NEXT, HALL 2 GIRLS!

“To whom has Hall 2 gist not been told and to whom has the space of Hall 2 not been revealed?” If you are a student of UNIBEN and you don’t know Hall 2 car park then your mode of entry and stay in UNIBEN is highly questionable.

Hall 2 (female hostel) is one place where everything happens. Even if you don’t know the way to the Vice Chancellor’s office, you can never lose your way to Hall 2 car park. It’s also equivalent to UNILAG’s Love Garden at night.

If you haven’t heard one of those pretenders in Hall 2 lie, then you haven’t heard lies at all. At least among every 50, there is one pretender. I remember when one crazy girl like that was looking desperately in need of cash when she sighted my roommate, walked up to him and started telling him how she saw him outside the window of her airplane when she was en route France, loved him at first sight and she waved at him. Next question that followed was “are you with your ATM card?” You can imagine the rest.

I don’t want to incur the wrath of Hall 2 girls by telling the world their Open Secret because that would be suicidal. I will leave it at “they are damn beautiful, from head to toe during lecture periods. My brother, see them during exam period, you will run. They are also the best Shot put players you can find around”. Hehehe.

hostel

LECTURES AND 500LT JAMPACKING

This one was not funny to me at all back then. You’ll have an 8 O’clock lecture but if you manage to get to class by 6:30a.m., my brother, na back seat sure for you. If you see the crowd on the first day, you’ll call the nearest person close to you to ask what’s going on.

500LT jam-packing ehn! The way they push themselves immediately the door is opened is something else. Bad luck for me was that I served as Faculty Rep and one day when I opened the LT and they started pushing themselves and me, my 50 gold carat Michael Kors made-in-Mars wrist watch and my Aba-made extra super leather palm sandals got missing in the twinkle of an eye. That’s how fast those boys can be when they want to rob you of your possession.

At some point, my fellow class reps and I insisted that they start forming queues. That’s when you’ll see a queue of people as long as from 500LT to Faculty of Engineering but again, as soon as the door is opened, the line disappears and everybody enters the lecture theatre (LT) at once to fight for front seat.

IMG_20151220_114113[1]

The picture above shows a General Studies class held by a very intelligent, smart and convivial lecturer, Mr. T., who knows how to disgrace you in the most comical way possible. He is very ‘down to earth’ so students have no problem relating with him.

TUTORIAL GUYS (TUTORS) AND PREACHERS

This set of people have to be the most wonderful people! Why? Two reasons. On is they do great jobs in the lives of students and two, they don’t know the right time to come! Chai! It’s as if these guys have cameras positioned everywhere cause during lectures, they are nowhere around but as soon as lectures are about to end, you’ll see about twenty of them looking for the microphone and waiting to address the class!! Pastor P, G-Brain guys, B-de-Bright, Waldoscope, Skulboy, Haliday, I greet una o. You’ll settle me later for publicity.

Who hasn’t heard of the one thousand and one fellowships there are in UNIBEN where every single individual knows how to speak in tongues?

Who doesn’t know that if you’re anything else but a comedian, a House of Epitome dancer, a politician, a Director of Socials or a model then your future is not bright?

Who doesn’t know that it is only during exam periods that power supply is not constant? And when you ask your friends ‘how far jacking?’ they’ll tell you “abeg who jacking help” when they have permanent seats in the Library

Who doesn’t know that it is only in UNIBEN that this happens – there are 20 people in class but when the lecturer says ‘tear a sheet of paper for test, before be turns his back to face the class again, it is full to capacity.

Who does not know the ‘nicest’ place to be is Ekosodin Village?

Right now I feel like “amebo” so I’ll just shut up and take a break. Moreover, I have to go look for my favourite purple coloured socks cause I’ll attend all, and I mean all the departmental dinners coming up next semester!

Leave your comments below!

 

 

8 COMMENTS

  1. Wow!!!!
    ohhh
    I can’t forget the experience I had during exams. ..reading with street lights…. at basement the night before AEB
    Not just me
    see men sitting on the floor
    some stand-reading
    others walking-reading
    come see different reading position
    ………..make them leave stress for Uniben ohhh………….

  2. LWKMD.. actually thoughts you were talking about lectures.. Dinner freak.. honestly,you have a very interesting article here. I look forward to getting more of your write-ups. #thumbs up#

  3. LWKMD.. actually thought you were talking about lectures.. Dinner freak.. honestly,you have a very interesting article here. I look forward to getting more of your write-ups. #thumbs up#

  4. Pretty nice write-up.had quite a frustrating and tiring experience during my clearance so totally get what u mean.Uniben truly can sometimes be really stressful but its our school and we love it nevertheless.was quite refreshing 2 read this.keep up the good work Francis.u really are a good writer.

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